you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
