OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
