Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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