Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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