Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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