He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
