just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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