dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
