someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
