Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
