I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
