A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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