God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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