One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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