What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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