This is not my ceiling
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
