We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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