Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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