he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
My balls are so social today.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
