I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
