No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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