Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
