i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
