Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
