If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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