I accidentally burped into my bong.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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