I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
