Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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