I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
