My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
North Korea, Best Korea!
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
