Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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