LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
