Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
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