definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
