Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
