so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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