She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
