I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
