Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Randomize
