You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
