So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
