You can't motorboat a personality
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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