Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
