just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
