big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
