He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
