I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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