Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
