i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
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