From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
