We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
