brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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