So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
