i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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