I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
